Excitement

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I burn with excitement

of some kind.

Can not define it.

Can not decide where it comes from.

It just burns deep down inside

And it tickles my very existence

It changes the way I breathe

The way I move my eyes

The way I hold my head

it even changes my complexion.

And I can almost say

This excitement

Makes me anxious

But it pushes me to a new level of seeing things

It makes me act

It makes me think in different directions

It makes me type.

Can it be

That I love this excitement?

Are the words coming back to me?

Are they allowing me to release them

And let them be?

I do not care anymore.

I let myself be.

Li.

Captured

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She had a star floating above her like

some blue heaven surrounding her

like a shield around her

“look but do not touch” thing

I suddenly wanted to stay with her

there amongst the crowds

to feel her presence

everywhere I go

always

I suddenly got the urge to ask her personal questions

Intensity stroke me

I wanted to hug her

I wanted to whisper soft words in the air

I really did want to do all that stuff

and than she smiled

the mouth spread on her face

like some magically beautiful crevice ,

like a mystique deepness out of which countless butterflies came out

lovely in their sadness

and they flew towards the rays

in hope to find the great yellow light.

I was captured

after a long time

and boy it felt so nice

I could have cried.

Li.

The Strain

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I often have it, the strain

it comes so easily and it comes so right

without warning

I pick my self up from a long silence

and suddenly it’s here

my unexpected quest, my fear, my pain

the strain

It finds me when I’m quiet

it strikes me in my peace.

The strain attacks without mercy

it makes my world at craze

I wait and wait for it go

I’m patient long before

I strive and roar

but it only leaves

when I’m all empty in my soul

it abandons me

when in desperation I wish for more.

Li.

Warm Warm Warm

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I do not think that God is some wise old man with white beard and mustache.

I believe God is in us…

God is that one of Me which I’m trying to find

the one which patiently awaits to be found…

this very one

this one of Me is God.

People are always looking for someone to help them

They are looking for someone outside of themselves

someone faraway from them

up above in the sky

hidden behind the clouds..

while actually, God is hiding in each and one of us

and patiently awaits to be found…

God is constantly cheering on us when we are close to finding ourselves, close to find him…God is cheering: warm, warm, warm…warmer…come one, you can do it…

and suddenly we are taken by some long forgotten smell of a meadow flower from our childhood…that is God giving us signals, sending us messengers to tell us: it is all right, just keep on going that way, you are close, very close…I love you, says God, I love you so much…If you only knew how and how much…you would never be able to feel alone or abandoned… I love you, says God, all is well, get up and keep on going….

Thank you, yes, you. Thank you for being here now and forever and ever…because I’m part of forever, part of you.

Li.

You know…

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…all I wanted to say

Came out like a fish talk

The sea of space between us

Swallowed it.

Brutally!

The silence was too intense

It burn in flames

And we stood motionless

Our eyes gazing

At something

Big and strange

Too distant to touch

Too close to brush away

Warm, wet and slippery

Our baby

Our soul

Our fear

Our precious

Our love

Our pain

And we hold on to it!

We Don’t let go

If we loose it

We will loose the drive to change!

Li.

This love

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How many times have I reasoned

this game of life

Where we breathe uncertainty

How many times I thought I’m falling

So Endlessly

That it hurts

How do I gather up all I want

In a little speck of time?

And what is time actually?

Can I pack love in time?

This love I feel…

Is it timeless?

This love…

This feeling of impatient warmth inside my chest…

Is this love I’m trying to give birth to?

I feel it grows inside me like a baby

I can not keep it in anymore

It is too heavy

I can hardly move

I need to let it go

And let everyone see it

This monster of a feeling

This eternal flow of flames

Stuck inside my body

I’m letting it go

This love…

Li.

The other end of the world

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The other end of the dream

Awaits our hands, smiles and hats

I’m constantly saving this love for you

And the battery is overcharged

Does virtual love sending counts?

Uploading, I mean?

Cause I’m uploading a lot

And there is still more…

I feel I have more and more love

To just hug you with

But the words are bound to do that instead of me.

The other end of this world

The other end of time

Holds our happiness bundled up in

this huge bouquet

It is so fresh

And It smells of our skins

It smells of hope

It smells of eternity

It smells of wine

Of truth

And youth

I still keep waiting for you

At the other end of the world

At the other end of the dream.

Li.

Makao

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Niki San and Mari Noko are sitting on the floor in the dining room, drinking tea and playing the card game Makao. Niki San is in his late twenties, tall, slim, with an elegant, regal aura around him. It is hard to tell how his gentleness strikes you more. In the way he looks at you or in the way he moves. Mari Noko on the other hand is tiny and delicate like a flower. You look at her and you immediately think of pink rose buds. I’m sitting quietly on the sofa beside them and my mind wanders off to an unexpected meditative state. Slow and easy just as this Sunday morning. It is cold outside. It is late autumn. Each new minute is late by two to three seconds every hour. Our lives are late as well. Just like the city buses.

I’m becoming aware of the sounds in the flat, I’m aware of the sound the cat makes when she licks her paws and walks with grace on the soft carpet. I’m becoming aware of the romancing energy coming from the dining room. I’m aware of the inviting smell of the tea my friends are drinking. I can hear the sound the cards make when they are thrown on the floor. I can hear the conversation.

-Come on, play your card, says Niki San. I’ve been waiting for far too long.

I can hear Mari Noko throwing her card. Niki San than sighs. He throws his card as well. Jack, he says.

-Which suit are you changing to? -asks Mari Noko.

-The one you do not have. Says Niki San.

I have them all. Come on, tell me. Which one? Mari Noko laughs softly.

-The one you do NOT have, emphasizes Niki San.

-But I have them all. Choose whichever, she laughs on.

-I change it into Heart. You do not have a Heart.

-I have it, she laughs in amusement. Here it is, she says and throws her card.

-You do not have a Heart. You do not have it HERE- dramatically emphasizing the words, Niki San places his hand on his chest.

-Ha ha ha, Mari Noko laughs somehow hesitatingly now. Come on, it is your turn.

Niki San throws another Heart with a dignified gesture.

-I have more of them, babe. Don’t worry. I have them for both of us.

Mari Noko quietly withdraws by the dining table, still sitting on the floor with the hands on her cheeks. She looks sad and it seems like she is troubled by Niki San words. Niki San approaches and places his hand on her shoulder.

Suddenly her face is illuminated by a new feeling.

-I love you, she says. Let’s play another round. I would like to find back my heart.

One beam of light enters the room.

Suddenly, our flat begins to look like a castle. Inhabited by Kings, Queens and Earls.

I hope they all have a heart.

Li.

Sometimes

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Sometimes…his presence like a light in a room, like a newborn morning…grabs me and I forget I exist…

sometimes…when he is gone, the room is left i darkness and the night black as a devil falls on me…

sometimes….I forget I exist and I need fresh air, I need to hear a spring murmur and go with its flow, I need to be alone so that I can give birth to all the pains my stomach feeds…

sometimes…his words are throwing huge balls of flame at my chest…and I..I’m sometimes without a shield and the battles last for days and nights…sometimes I win using my magical spells…but sometimes I get attacked from all sides by all kinds of beasts and spooks and I can not defend myself so I loose the battle…

sometimes…he helps me escape the evil forces and sometimes he leaves me to learn how to deal with them myself…

sometimes his hand caresses me the moment I imagine his hand caresses me…

sometimes his eyes find mine and they overwhelm them with laughter…

sometimes we believe that we heal the sick with our energy…and we can touch the highest divinities sometimes…

Sometimes he calls me and says ”I’m sorry” at this very moment when I write this and all of a sudden everything I wrote so that I can reduce the pain…all of this…disappears with that simple ”I’m sorry”…

Li.